Comming of Age
by Princess Schatje Dreamer
Summary: Zack is bored. He goes and finds Sephiroth, where they make a few interesting discoveries. Rated more for insanity, suggestivity and a few slight swear words. For SarissaDiablo and Momonster. Enjoy :3 Part 1 of Battle of Wits.


Zack was in his office, doing what he does best. Well, maybe not _best_, - like flirting and fighting and totally kicking _ass!_ - but what he does really really well with no effort whatsoever, something he could proudly declare to the whole of Midgar:

Procrastinating.

He had piles of paperwork he needed to get through, but he just couldn't be bothered. –Besides, watching the paper get higher and higher before falling to the floor was actually quite amusing.- It also didn't help that he was convinced that it was mocking him, laughing as he tried desperately to think of something else to do...

Zack chewed on his lower lip as he fiddled with the Rubix Cube he had in his hands. Damn thing was _impossible_! Left-up up-right right-down top-left bottom-right up-left.... It just kept going round and round and round in circles… Which was kinda odd as the thing was a _cube_, and not a _sphere_... Zack shuddered at the idea.

Dear Gaia. What if they _actually_ managed to make a _round _one?

Shuddering again, he decided he needed another distraction.

Throwing the evil not-a-sphere-but-a-cube behind him – pointedly ignoring the crack of something breaking as only he does best - he shifted, looking for entertainment.

Turning his head as he saw something shiny fly past his window, Zack was hit with a sudden realization. Shiny... shiny and silver like Seph's hair...

Sephiroth! Seph! Sephy Seph Seph!

Somehow managing to bounce out of his chair - and not break anything this time - Zack was on his feet, about to start a new mission! One of incredible importance with grave consequences if it wasn't completed as soon as _humanly _possible!

... Making sure he doesn't off himself - with the aid of other people and their favorite sharp ridiculously pointy objects - while getting rid of the extreme boredom he was experiencing.

Humming a little tune and bouncing, he went out of his office and went towards his favorite victi-*ahem* ... favorite _General'_s office.

Not bothering to knock he opened the door and right in the middle of a large step forward, froze at the rather odd sight to greet him, fighting not to have his jaw drop in the process.

Sephiroth was cutting his toenails. Curled in his chair like some silver cat he had one foot perched on his desk, staring straight at it with the clippers in his left hand, simply holding it there for a moment before the tell tale click of a nail being flung Gaia knows where.

Zack's first reaction was to laugh.

_Hysterically_. With great force and volume, maybe calling in the entire SOLDIER division while they wondered what manner of beast was let into the building - and so close to their Silver General's office to boot!- -ehehe, boot- so when Sephiroth got his boots back on and Masamune in hand, he wouldn't be the only one to die a horrible death upon the shiny _shiny-pointy _sword.

'Cause it was a sight _many_ should see. I mean, the great, almighty dignified so very _noble_ General Sephiroth, Demon of Wutai, all folded up to _methodically_ cut his _toenails_? Of course, before the brilliantly put together plan of laugh like a hyena then run like hell could begin he remembered. Zack _did _have two brain-cells to rub together - though most really didn't believe that - so he remembered that Masamune was probably nearby – maybe in that pocket that Sephiroth made the humongous two meter sword vanish in from time to time - and that dying was _not_ on his 'to-do' list at this moment in time, so he managed to keep it in. Mostly.

Also, _Mission objective!_ No need to be impaled upon sharp shiny things. No…need…_shiny_…

Okay. He might have snorted just a little.

Sephiroth jerked slightly, looking up through his bangs to see who had burst into his office.

Emerald eyes locked on Zack, he then so very slowly set the nail clippers aside, before untangling his limbs and rising to his full length to stand there in all his glory... Zack blinked once, rubbed his eyes, then blinked again.

His somewhat _shorter_ glory.

Zack did a quick once over and noticed that Sephiroth wasn't wearing his boots…for once. In like, _ever_.

'_Probably cause of the whole cutting his toe nails thing, dumb-ass_.' Said the snide voice he really did try to ignore as often as he could - the voice was just plain mean!

Tilting his head slightly, Zack moved forward, getting closer and closer to the General. Once he was approaching the border of invading personal space, he stopped. His theory was proven correct. And once again, this _alone_ proves the utter coolness of the Zackster, oh yeah!

_Ohhhh man! When Angeal hears this!!_

"Dude. Sephiroth. You will not believe what I've just reali-"

"If one word of this gets out, I will gut you." Sephiroth cut in bluntly, voice dead. Zack blinked once, hand frozen where he was about to start waving it in the air.

"Wait a sec... What?" Emerald eyes narrowed.

"Do not toy with me, Zackary. If you tell one _soul_-" Zack blinked again, and then remembered- no boots. Barely managing not to snort, he backtracked.

"Huh? Oh, nonononono no no _nooooooooo_~ No Seph, that is not what I just realized."

Sephiroth raised a single silver eyebrow in question.

"Just... look me in the eye."

Sephiroth did so, but frowned slightly. "How did you grow several inches overnight?"

Zack grinned, "But that's the thing, I haven't. It's just that…you are not wearing your boots." A single silver eyebrow rose, and Zack marveled at it. He'd tried that maneuver many times, but never seemed to get it…

"... I fail to see where this is going."

Zack was still grinning, but took Sephiroth's shoulder and turned him towards the expanse of glass that was one wall, all nice and clean and _reflective_. "Look." Sephiroth blinked.

"I do believe that's what everyone does when their eyes are open, Zackary." The brunette groaned, waving his hands towards the glass again.

"No no, _look_."

Seeing that the world famous General _still_ wasn't getting it, Zack raised a hand and put it on the top of his head, before sliding it _over _Sephiroth's letting the man see it in their reflection.

Sephiroth blinked at their images for a few moments, before deciding to check himself.

Sadly, _yes_, Zack…was for once in his life, actually right.

_Dear God_, the puppy was taller than him.

Sephiroth couldn't help but bury his forehead in one hand, rubbing at his temples.

Zack got an impish grin on his face as he asked, "Want to see if I've grown in _other _areas too, Sir?"

Sephiroth just barely refrained from stabbing his Lieutenant.

~*&*~

A/N. Of Death and Doom and Destruction and all that other Fun Stuff.

Disclaimer: I own various plushies given to me by **SarrisaDiablo**. Does that mean I own the original characters? *hopeful smile*

This one is odd. Longer - like double the length of previous ones - but yea, inspiration struck when Momo was asking how tall Cloud was in relation to Zack and Seph so she knows who is better to molest who with or something. I don't tend to ask her for details... *has learned her lesson*

(Momo: giggles in her room far far away hugging **Molestable!Bloody!Cloud** close. "But you all _looorve_ the **Momonster**! Mwahah!!" *cough*)

*facepalms*

But yes, _anyway_, an important coming of age for everyone - when you look down and realize that holy shit, you are taller than **X **person... *cuddles her grandma*

Oh and before I forget, actual heights for people are as follows [apparently]:

Zack: 6'3… or 6'1, (Momo: Depending on _where_ exactly you actually **look**…damnzit)

Sephiroth: 6'1

Reno: 6'0

Cloud: 5'7 at 21 (Momo: and that's in the damn booklet for FFVII so Momo _knows_ that one is right! *Stomps*)

[I don't know why Reno's here... just cause? *shrugs*] And I _think _these are right... correct us if wrong.

(Momo: Don't. If they're wrong, _plz_ don't say a word, or MR. Sister will be gloating foreva! *shudders*)

*sighs* I feel like I have Multiple-Personality Disorder... And now to type up the BJ one for Valy-man...

Thanks for reading folks!


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